Not pretty enough. Not skinny enough. Not smart enough. Not popular enough. Not talented enough. Not good enough. The thought of never being enough. It haunts you and follows you like a shadow; the proverbial black cloud that always rains on your parade. You look at yourself in the mirror, and what do you see? Someone you wouldn't throw a second glance at, just another individual overshadowed by another seven billion. It eats at you, consumes you, devours you. It keeps you awake at night, enveloping you in a shroud of self-doubt. Insecurity.
You feel like the world is silently laughing at you, behind your back, and that your efforts; your hard work, none of it matters, because you feel that there's always someone who does it better. You feel like you always try, yet you can barely walk, forget fly. Your dreams are like a balloon, which slowly floats up with the optimism and hope that it touches the sky, only to be popped with the pin of inhibition.
Nobody knows that the girl who laughs and jokes with others about her double chin has been starving herself for months; the guy who laughs off his poor grades stays up, burning midnight oil, in an attempt to intellectually match his peers; the person who is the loudest and most jovial at the party cries herself to sleep every night. It is the ones who seem the happiest that cry the most; the ones that seem the strongest that feel broken; the ones surrounded by many that are the loneliest.
Insecurity consumes us all. We are all in the same game, just different levels; we are all in the same hell, just different devils. It makes us feel like we don't matter; like we really are an insignificant facet in this magnificent universe. That is because we live in an era where everyone, from society to the media, picks out an individual who they deem perfect -an It Girl, if you will- and tell us that unless we become like her, we will never be liked or noticed. She is perfect in every aspect; shiny hair, ravishing smile, flawless skin, the works. Every boy wants her and every girl wants to be like her. Suddenly, everyone strives to turn into her, so that they could fit into society's ideas of perfection. The ones who fail become outcasts, the social pariahs.
But realize; if you became that It Girl, wouldn't you just be a clone of so many others? Stop. Stop hating your body, the way you dress, the things you say and do. Your quirks, your vices, you 'imperfections'; they also make you, YOU. The person you are is different, is beautiful, is one of a kind. Don't listen to those who gun you down because their insecurities got the better of them. Smile. It might turn someone else's day around. Embrace what life has to offer you, be it an up or down. Be crazy, be silly, be hyper, be energetic, be yourself! Be the person you know fits in your shoes, rather than what the world tells you to be. Confidence is so hard to find, but is key.
As I sit here writing this, I realize I am not one to preach. There are days where I wish for more: a thinner body, better clothes, beautiful hair; where I wish I was anyone but me. But then, it hits me that despite my shortcomings, my kinks, my blemishes, I am the one 'me' out here. If I won't be myself, who will?
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